The last 7 days of my life have been the most life changing days of my entire life. This will probably be the most transparent Ill ever get. But I hope it might encourage someone to stay the course no matter what. All alone with the bare minimum in a weekly rated room in LA, I sit in indian style in the middle of the bed writing this using my moblie phone app.
Im at the most vunerable place Ive been in a long time. Completely raw from the inside out..totally naked heart and emotions. Sacraficing everything to be exactly what Ive always known I was destined to be which is living my life as a working professional singer, being successful so my future will be secure and a dream come true. As I go into this I am not a victim but a survivor. I know God has so much in store for me as I endure the test, the pain, the coldness of what this world is really about. The lessons Im learning have been blessings to the future of an evolved Katrina, an even better Katrina. Just 7 days ago, I was a different person. I was ashamed of what I didnt have so I covered up things that were obsolete for fear of being judged and I let my ego win. I had a dear friend who stood by me and supported me through thick and thin. I cant say I was happy with it but I was fairly safe and somewhat secure with my living conditions. Today all of that is gone. Everything is different. Im not lonely but Im alone with God and my thoughts. As Ive been through so much these last 7 days, all at the same time Im preparing to go home to visit and straight to NYC for rehearsals then overseas for a tour. I have 2 singing engagements this coming week and Im outta here until Im back soon. It’s been very difficult to not give up, to not shut down. Every obstacle has been thrown my way but the enemy will not win. I definitely have some battle scars from the punches. But Im going to keep going in the ring fighting hard. I will not stop until…
Because of the situation being so overwhelming, I pushed my dear friend away by being in my feelings about something so not worth it. Everything has bitten off a piece of me and Im only one woman. So I just felt numb and exhausted. This person meant the absolute WORLD to me. I apologized abundantly, tried to explain myself, tried everything in hopes that they would say anything. Nothing..just nothing. It’s my fault. I really messed up. I say this to say that dont ever treat the one who has your back like they dont matter just because of your pride. If you switched shoes, you would want to help your friend too if it’s real. I felt like my friend felt obligated to help me in my own mind so I pushed them away. And now, who do I really have?!? No one. Im left to do this completely on my own. I just prayed and prayed in hopes that they will forgive me for all of it. I dont ever want to be in this space again. It’s unbearably painful and my heart is broken. I love my friend, unconditionally. And I miss them terribly. Dont take your people for granted. I pray that they haven’t given up on me.
My living situation has been humbling too. I dont wish it on anyone. But I wont complain because Im not on the street. Youll endure anything to make whatever it is youre fighting for happen. You really will. No excuses. You gotta be willing to literally fight for the life you want for yourself and your future. You want it bad enough, youll look at the difficulties as blessings and lessons.
God has shaken me these last 7 days. Ive been shook. I have nothing or no one else to depend on but Him. What it looks like now is not anywhere near what it’s about to be. This past week, I have been shown visions in my dreams how things will be soon. Ive had strangers come up to me and tell me confirming messages that no one should know. I have faith and trust that He will fulfill His promises.
And lastly, be who you are. Dont be ashamed about what you dont have. The people who truly care and love you will accept you for exactly who you are. They dont care about those material things. They care about YOU. And if they do, they arent real. You dont need those type of people in your life anyway. Be truthful or dont say anything at all.
I definitely have learned a lot of valuable lessons these last 7 days. People will be people and most only care about themselves. When you have someone in your corner, dont mess it up by doing something so stupid. Material things come and go. The Fruit of The Spirit is what matters.
The bigger the dream, the bigger the sacrafices. Be ready to fight cause your life WILL depend on it.