I know it’s been a little second since I last blogged but my life is moving like the speed of light. I thank God for peace. But here is what’s been on my mind for a bit now.
The view is so much more clearer when you’re on the outside looking in. I’ve learned to easily detach myself from situations that aren’t serving me any purpose. It can get painful sometimes but after the fire comes the rain..then the sunshine.
There are so many bullets God saved me from. When I say bullets, I mean disasters. But He also gives us freedom of choice. We choose what we want or THINK we need.
Based on certain decisions I’ve made in my life, there are things now that I understand being that I’m beyond it.
One of the painful parts about growth is that it seems like every time we go through a big growing pain..there usually is a sacrafice.
It could be an intimate relationship, a dear friend, a job, a lifestyle, etc. It’s always something you are almost forced to give up in order to enter the next phase in your life. God will sometimes go to the extreme and remove EVERYthing from your life including people. He’ll get you by yourself and isolated just so you can GET IT!!
Sometimes part of learning the lesson and growing is being able to finally detach and watch those that are still in that space and see yourself in them when you were at the same point and say, “Wow! That used to be me.” Then it’s an aha moment. You finally GET it! But you never would’ve got it if you didn’t make the choice to sacrafice and endure the growing pain.
It’s really something though. I’ve begun to make decisions based off of knowing it’s going to hurt. And what’s crazy is that it seems like that’s when the biggest reward awaits.
Just like the saying, if it’s too easy it’s probably not worth it. I actually think there is some truth to that.
I would’ve never gotten to where I am now if I wouldn’t have gone through the pain to get here. It’s an internal journey that I’ve been enduring.
I just want to continue to strive to be a better person all-around. I have a fascination now with learning about my triggers. Why do certain things make me upset? Why do certain things make me happy? From the way I was raised and parented, what have I taken on that might be helping me or deterring me? Are there areas that need to be healed or celebrated?
I’ve just been trying to get to know myself on the deepest level ever. I’m doing the work. And even though it hurts to really look at yourself and see those gritty ugly parts about yourself, it feels good. I thank God for the courage to really look deep within to be better.
We can’t be good for others or serve others well if we don’t do it for ourselves. It’s easy to walk around and think that you’ve got it all figured out. That’s easy. But when you really want to have a better conscious mind, those walls get torn down and it hurts. But it’s the greatest thing ever!!
I’m the most confident I’ve ever been in my life. My heart is completely open. I’m always going to be a student even in leadership.
I’m doing what I want to do which is remaining in the will of God whether it hurts or not.